4.18.2011

Whomp-Whomp

There is nothing I hate more than one of those days where everything is great and fantastic, and then it ends.  Nay--it crashes and burns.

I haven't worked since the end of December.  I know this, believe me.  I've tried, and am trying everything short of prostitution.  I apply to one job or another every other day, and today I even broke down and did the one thing I swore I wouldn't--I applied to Macy's  (I worked there for over 3 years in WV, and never broke $8 an hour...ugh).  None of these facts hinder the judgment I get from my mother, grandma, dad...whoever.  But today, I found out these sentiments are also felt and vocalized by DH's parents.  Really?!  And the more DH talked the further my self esteem dropped.  So I got mad--furious--and sobbed about it in my closet.

Then just when I thought I had recovered, DH tells me about how some guy he works with that I've never heard of before just found out his wife is pregnant and they have ultrasound pictures plastered all over the office.  It is at this point I feel like a 2000% failure.  I have no job, no baby, and no purpose.  Angry cry #2.

The truth is, I don't need to work.  We have plenty extra every month.  And as for the baby crap, I'm trying am I not?  I hate that things I should be happy for just fill me with resentment some days. UGH!

DH stroked my hair while he rocked me on the porch swing reassuring me we'd have 16 asian babies in no time and that I'm the best thing there ever was. Well------alright.

On a positive note, today I:

cut my bangs.
cooked a fabulous dinner.
cleaned most of the apartment.
loved on my puppies.
loved on Mr. Kitty.
had all of the windows open all day.
did some laundry.

Booyah! :)

2 comments:

  1. Wow, sounds like you and I had the same kind of past week, lol. I lost my job last week and had two breakdowns over what a failure I was. I don't think the hormones from the clomid helped, I just sobbed for over an hour. Then again two days later, all over stuff that would otherwise not bother me. I cried so hard my face swelled and I had to ice my face. Lame!Screw what your family thinks. If you don't need to work, and your DH doesn't care, than just relax and focus on TTC. Easier said than done, I know=)

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  2. Awww *Hugs* Mama... I'm faced with a similiar conundrum right now about work... Do I stay where I am and go insane? Or do I go back and feel like I'm helping the family? sort of...Doesn't it seem like everyone is getting preggo but you at the worst time? ugh... not cool... Yay for freshly cut bangs and a clean apartment! Those things always make me feel better. :)

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